Quotation collector Dr. Mardy Grothe has compiled a book of aphorisms beginning with the word if. Combining the words if and aphorism, Grothe termed the word ifferism.

It would be unfitting for me to write a standard review, so I’ll share some of my favorite quotations from the book.

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. (12)

by Katherine Hepburn.

If we don’t change direction soon, we’ll end up where we’re going. (38)

by Irwin Corey.

If you’re willing to fail interestingly, you tend to succeed interestingly. (51)

by Woody Allen.

If you want to say something radical, you should dress conservative. (88)

by Steve Biko.

If his IQ slips any lower, we’ll have to water him twice a day. (115)

by Molly Ivins.

If McClellan is not using the army, I should like to borrow it for a while. (125)

by Abraham Lincoln.

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile. (168)

by Lynda Barry.

If people don’t want to come out to the ballpark, nobody’s going to stop them. (199)

by Yogi Berra.

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. (223)

by George Orwell, in the preface to Animal Farm.

If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? (264)

by George Carlin.

If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing. (293)

by Kingsley Amis.