After going through The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce and some other collections of funny, clever, witty quotations, I felt inspired to conjure (amateurishly) some of my own. So, here we go:

• The early bird gets the worm, but the late bird gets the moth.
• You can hit two birds with one stone, but never a stone with two birds.
• What one fool can do, another can. What one genius can do, another can’t.
• There are three types of flies: flies, damned flies, and mosquitoes.
• All bugs come with software. Unfortunately, the reverse is also true.
• I believe everything, except lies.
• Theorems are true, unless proved false.
• Don’t give up on your realities—they may become your dreams.
• If imagination is normal, then reality is parallel.
• If a stopped clock is correct twice a day, then a stopped program crashes twice a minute.
• The moon outshines the sun, at night.
• When stuck, try to move on.
• With every step we take, we come closer to putting the future behind us.