Tag Archives: Reflection

Reflections on 2009

My first semester as a senior in high school just finished. Today. Although 2009 is not yet over, I would like to take the time to reflect over all, or rather, some of the various events of this hectic year.

Overall, I can say that 2009 was most certainly the most influential on my life. That has to do with, of course, the fact that it was (and is) the most recent year, but regardless, there have been many changes in the ways I view and interact with the world.


Something early this year, around January or February, still in the midst of my junior year, totally changed my outlook on learning, or more specifically, my academic interests. Before this year, I would have considered myself to be a math/science person, and to some extent, I still am. But even so, my collection of academic interests has immensely broadened, to the point where I enjoy subjects such as literature and history, rather than be indifferent or hostile to them. I am still searching for answers. How did this shift happen, and why?

I think it started with a play we read in English class, even slightly earlier, in late 2008. It was Waiting for Godot, by Samuel Beckett. Before reading this, I had more or less detested English classes in general. Whenever we were assigned a book to read, I would always wonder, What’s the point? Especially of a book such as Great Expectations (by Charles Dickens), in ninth grade. It was by far the most boring book I had (attempted to) read. It killed my interest in reading for a while. Before that, I used to be an somewhat avid reader, but after being assigned that work, whatever fascination for literature I had was obliterated. I still made A’s and A+’s in the class, but the real problem was, I no longer had any respect for it.

How did Waiting for Godot resurrect my literary interest? For one thing, it was vastly different in both content and style from anything we had previously seen in English. It was certainly witty, but even more, it made me think. Great Expectations seemed to be a long, drawn-out piece of writing with no point. On the other hand, Waiting for Godot was minimal in plot, but extraordinarily thought-provoking in content. It asked some fundamental philosophical questions. It was clear. It was intriguing.

Okay, I know I haven’t painted the clearest picture of this play’s influence on me, but somehow, my interest in English, both the subject and the class, became reignited by the kindles of this play. While I’m on this topic, I would have to acknowledge my teacher, Ms. Dowdle, for making that class interesting last year. I always felt that I learned something every class, something I cannot say for my ninth and tenth grade years.


Admittedly, I was also not enthused by history. That is, until I had an epiphany about January of this year, in the middle of AP/IB European History.

For this subject, I think I know the epiphany’s cause. It was the understanding of how different eras blend into each other, each providing the context for the next era. Paradigm shifts, if you will. Our teacher, Ms. Saenz, showed us how the events we learned in the previous semester, namely the Renaissance, the Reformation (and Counter-Reformation), the Scientific Revolution, and the Enlightenment tied into one another by drawing large, abstract, intersecting arcs spanning across the board. These arcs clearly showed how the eras led to what we were presently studying, the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Era. History suddenly made sense.

It wasn’t so much the content, i.e. the personalities, the dates, the numbers, that caused me to suddenly see history for what it is, but the method of analysis, i.e. the way of looking at the big picture. I had previously thought of history as a vast, disjointed collection of facts to memorize. But the big-picture method of looking at the situation changed my views on it entirely.


I used to be indifferent about writing. This had to do with my writing style. It used to be very formulaic, and every sentence had to follow the laws of English grammar. For example, I never started sentences with conjunctions.

But, in the middle of May, ironically just after a sea of AP exams, I suddenly found myself writing. A lot. If you want proof, take a look at the “Essays” section of this website, a tab on the top. You’ll find among the collection three essays, all in the range of approximately 2000 words, all freelance (not for any class), all dated May 2009. Heck, even the existence of this website/blog is evidence. For me, a more law-breaking, or rather, “creative” writing style makes writing significantly more fun, therefore causing me to write a lot more.

I ran, however, into the natural follow-up question: What caused this change in style? This question was very tough. I could not think of anything writing-wise in May that would cause me to take up writing as a hobby. If anything, the AP exams should have caused me to detest writing. Then it hit me. It had nothing to do with the AP exams. It was actually, in fact, something not related to writing at all, or at least not directly.

Waking Life. A movie directed by Richard Linklater. We watched it in IB Theory of Knowledge (TOK), an intriguing class taught by Dr. Schaack. So, how did this movie change my writing style? Indirectly. I think what happened was that TOK changed my thinking style. I became more open minded. And creative. Yes, I just implied that creativity can, to some degree, be taught. What Waking Life did for me was to literally wake my mind (though this sense of “waking” is not the one used in the movie). Just as Waiting for Godot was a creative play, Waking Life was an extraordinarily creative movie. It exuded creativity.

With this newfound creativity, I perhaps found the mechanistic writing style to be too inadequate to express my thoughts. I’m looking back right now at various saved writing assignments over the years. In ninth and tenth grades, my writing was appallingly lacking. Sentences were always medium in length, rhetorical questions were never asked, and the word “you” never appeared, just a few examples among other things. Which is yet another example, as I used to avoid the word “thing” at all costs, just because English teachers told us not to use it. The list goes on and on.


Of course, I always have enjoyed humor, but only this year did I realize that it can sometimes mean serious business.


Luckily, my new style of writing came in time to help with college application essays! Plus, from the other two subjects listed, I think I became a more well-rounded student. Of course, my main points on the applications were mostly math and science-related, but in several essays, I did not hesitate to mention academic interest in the humanities. My academic broadening also helped put some schools such as the University of Chicago on my list. For my status so far, see this post.


This website was made in November, just last month. Technically, there are two items under the October category, but those were imported from my other blog, now replaced by this one. Of course, my recent interest in writing is related to the creation of this site.

Perhaps, as the end of the year draws closer, I will post an addendum to this, as a final goodbye to 2009.

Sleep: A Heuristic Examination

Sleepy Person
He has fallen asleep!

Before I begin, I would like to make clear that the subject of this post is sleep, something that should be familiar to all of us (hopefully). I am not trying to make a scientific breakthrough on sleep or even outline recent discoveries on the subject. In fact, I am being somewhat unscientific in that I do not have tables of numbers and data to show any trends, and I am a (somewhat sleep-deprived) student, not a psychologist, biologist, or neurologist. What I have here is a heuristic approach, and I am merely sharing my abstract, qualitative thoughts on the puzzling phenomenon of sleep. Let us begin.

We need sleep. This point is pretty self-explanatory. In my entire life, I have done only one all-nighter, but even then, I fell into an extended nap some time in the second afternoon. It was simply too hard to stay awake. That feeling when your eyelids want to close, when your head wants to rest on something, and when your body wants to hibernate—this dreadful feeling that most of us have at some point in our lives felt—is, for the large part, irresistible.

By that, I mean there are few things that can sustain our conscience and keep us awake when our bodies beg for rest. However, as few as these methods may be, they are almost all related to biological constructs. For instance, coffee can keep us awake for some period of time because of a direct interaction between caffeine and our bodies. Physical danger, too, would counter sleepiness as an evolutionary principle. After all, it would be advantageous for the survival of a species to be able to resist the restrictions set by sleepiness in critical, life-or-death scenarios; for instance, if a crocodile were to attack me, I would certainly not want to fall asleep. While sleep may in general help my survival, it certainly does not in this case. To make an analogy to writing, just as successful writers know and utilize exceptions to the standard laws of grammar, successful species inhibit a generally good phenomenon for a more important objective: survival. In other words, the ability to resist sleep can be a direct result of natural struggle, the survival of the fittest.

This is intriguing because, if we take one step back, we may ask ourselves, Was not sleep itself an adaptation in the survival of the fittest? Yes, it was, and that is why it is difficult for us to change the general actions of sleep. It has been, in some sense, programmed into our bodies through many millions of years of evolution. We should find it most challenging, therefore, in a single lifetime to counter the effects of adaptations set in place for millions of years.

Why would an animal need sleep? If visibility was the most effective method of sensory-perception, then a predator, for instance, would have a much smaller chance of finding food at night than in the daytime. If the average energy intake from food during night was less than the expended energy, then it would be advantageous to have zero energy change during the night, i.e. through sleep. At that point, the prey too would have no reason to be expending valuable energy during the night and would hence increase its sleep. Another interesting note is that some animals, like reptiles, are cold blooded, and thus cannot function as efficiently at lower temperatures. Since there is more heat during the day, it would benefit the species to operate during the day instead of at night. Therefore, the factors of light and heat during daytime were key factors in the development of the evolutionary phenomenon of sleep.

Jumping back to the evolved inhibition of sleep, we find that it is by no means contradictory to the evolution of sleep itself. Simply, animals that learned to sleep were in general more successful than those who did not, and those in the former group that learned how to control it were also in general more successful than those who did not. This chain of thought does not seem to contribute much insight to the issue of sleep, but it does demonstrate the power of natural selection.

But there is a point in the evolutionary analysis of sleep. One popular phenomenon that keeps people up, and hence inhibits sleep, is actually much more used and widespread than you may think. In fact, if you are viewing this post on the Internet right now, then you are definitely in this phenomenon’s grasp. Yes, this phenomenon I am referring to is the computer. Remember I said I have pulled off one all-nighter in my life? That was in front of a computer screen. While playing a video game. Now, wait a minute, games and media have been around for centuries, just not on a computer. However, there is something different about a screen. I remember last year that one night, just before a European history test, I fell asleep with the textbook open in front of me. Honestly!

In contrast, it is nearly impossible to fall sleep while in front of a computer screen with Internet access or a good visual game loaded. Regarding a book, the book itself does not change or interact with the reader. Recall that the evolutionary principle for inhibiting sleep was to avoid danger. Your brain will hardly interpret any danger when digesting information from a book or a text source, even if the book is about something dangerous, as it was probably published many years ago. Next came the radio. Of course, now you could hear things in real-time, but the problem was, you would hear about danger, but you would never see it coming at you or feel any actual threat. With the television, things changed. Now you could not only hear the danger, but also see it happening in front of you. Yet, even then you still felt detached from the danger, because it could not cause real damage to you, nor could you do anything to repel it.

The computer changed everything. In the case of many video games, you are now not only seeing and hearing the danger coming at you, but you also have the capability to defend your “character” against it. In fact, having control of a virtual character, or avatar, changes the situation quite drastically. New technology and graphics allow games to seem much more realistic than ever before. Your senses and thought then link with the avatar on the screen. Whatever danger that comes toward it is also a danger heading towards you. The ability to defend or save a life, in this case your own, fits in perfectly with sleep’s evolutionary principle. Our ability to sit in front of a screen and play video games far past midnight is a mere reflection of our evolution. When we feel physically threatened or in danger, we have a heightened awareness that counters the adaptation of sleep.

Now, what about the Internet? I feel compelled to stumble upon new websites and read things, even though I just said earlier that I fell asleep while reading a textbook. What makes the Internet a better, or at least more energizing, place for reading? I am not exactly sure. Certainly the faster rate of publication and the ability to post comments makes the web more interactive. And because interactiveness, as shown in the case of video games, is more alerting to our senses, this would seem to be the reason why even reading on the Internet is so much more entertaining.

Are coffee, crocodiles, and computers the only things that can cause us to resist sleep? Certainly not. In school, or at least at my high school, many students are deprived of sleep due to the cramming of a pile of homework accumulated through rigorous programs and courses as well as through procrastination. Here, the factor is almost neo-evolutionary, if that is a term. It is a sort of artificial evolution. We students are certainly not competing for raw survival. We are competing for grades, which in turn supposedly mark our general success. (I could give a spiel on the grade system, but I will not do so here due to irrelevance.)

Because this neo-evolutionary phenomenon can also keep us awake, should it be considered a biological effect? I think so. I do not profess to be an expert on the biology of sleep, but I will note that if an artificial struggle can disrupt our sleep patterns, then it must, in some way, affect our biology. I would conjecture that this sleep deprivation caused by completing homework affects our body similarly to sleep inhibition caused by natural threats. Our brains probably interpret both as threats, one threatening our grades and the other threatening our physical body.

I am feeling sleepy right now. Can writing inhibit sleep? It does seem to, and it is peculiar in that it does not fit any of the biological causes aforementioned. Perhaps this is a good thing. Maybe it shows that we humans can go beyond the evolutionary calls of survival and competition. We all have some interest, I would hope, a passion, for which we can sacrifice some sleep. By doing something to keep ourselves awake, whether writing poems, learning mathematics, practicing a musical instrument, or even chatting with friends on social networking sites, we show that we are not an aloof, self-interested species. We help others even when we do not have “spare” time, when nature would be normally telling us to sleep. The inhibition of sleep may truly reveal the optimism of humanity.